Grammar Post 5

I decided to do as Chelsi asked, and I researched "to be" verbs. This was the best information I found. It was found at: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/to_be.htm#unnecessary

Unnecessary Uses of “To Be”:

Even a casual review of your writing can reveal uses of the verb “To be” that are unnecessary and that can be removed to good effect. In a way, the “To be” verb doesn't do much for you — it just sits there — and text that is too heavily sprinkled with “To be” verbs can feel sodden, static. This is especially true of “To be” verbs tucked into dependent clauses (particularly dependent clauses using a passive construction) and expletive constructions (“There is,” “There were,” “it is,” etc.). Note that the relative pronoun frequently disappears as well when we revise these sentences.

He wanted a medication that was prescribed by a physician.
She recognized the officer who was chasing the crook.
Anyone who is willing to work hard will succeed in this program.
It was Alberto who told the principal about the students' prank. (Notice that the “it was” brought special emphasis to “Alberto,” an emphasis that is somewhat lost by this change.)
A customer who is pleased is sure to return. A pleased customer is sure to return. (When we eliminate the “To be” and the relative pronoun, we will also have to reposition the predicate adjective to a pre-noun position.)

An expletive construction, along with its attendant “To be” verb, can often be eliminated to good effect. Simply omit the construction, find the real subject of the sentence, and allow it to do some real work with a real verb.

There were some excellent results to this experiment in social work. (Change to . . . .) This experiment in social work resulted in . . . .
There is one explanation for this story's ending in Faulkner's diary. (Change to . . . .) Faulkner's diary gives us one explanation for this story's ending.
On the other hand, expletive constructions do give us an interesting means of setting out or organizing the work of a subsequent paragraph:
There were four underlying causes of World War I. First, . . . .

I'm Black; You're White

In an effort to deliniate some of the major differences between blacks and whites, "I'm Black, You're White, Who's Innocent" by Shelby Steel, uses annoying rhetoric which often feels like a jumbled mass of words. Steel seems to bounce all over the map in this essay, leaving his reader to wonder what he is trying to say. Also, the piece feels like a long-winded opinion that is based solely on one persons life experience. This creates a formula for becoming a less-than-effective essay, and falls short of fulfilling its duty to an intriguing subject.
In Steel's much study and attention to the subject of race, he has given terms, or names, trying to describe what is happening between blacks and whites. The problem is the pure mass of them stuffed into a short essay. Terms like: bargainer, challenger, seeing for innocence, just a name a few, would be more effective as chapters of a book with more room to clarify. They feel forced into a tight space here, created a hard-to-follow rhetoric.
Steel begins a number of his paragraphs with words like: I think, I believe, and I feel. This limits the evidences and ideas that are presented in this essay, by making it all have the feel of an opinion. Steel presents good points throughout the piece, but handicaps those points by attaching them so clearly to opinion. This essay, because of it's topic, has an interesting appeal. However, it doesn't take long for the reader to become disengaged because of cluttered and unclear rhetoric, based too much upon opinion.

Breather Rough Draft

"Behind Enemy Lines" is a classic example of media's glorified portrayal of actual military events. A navy fighter pilot is shot down in war-torn Bosnia right as NATO forces were beginning to withdraw. A classic struggle is born between Lieutenant Reigart of the U.S. Navy and commander of the U.S.S. Carl Vinson, and General Pacquet, the Special Relations Officer assigned by NATO to oversee activity in that region. In an attempt to create national pride toward an American-geared audience, the film effectively uses this head-to-head power struggle. As the action in the film heats up, this symbolic battle of America versus the rest of the world powerfully plays out, in the background, in the form of two strong figures.
Lieutenant Leslie Reigart is played by famous American actor Gene Hackman. Hackman's character is built early on in the first few scenes of the movie. Reigart calls in Navy Pilot Burnett, the star of the film played by Owen Wilson, to discuss Burnett's resignation letter. In this scene Reigart comes across as a hard-nosed, no-nonsense lieutenant. He sternly accuses Burnett of not having any idea what it means to sacrifice for your country. This short discussion helps the viewer to see Reigart as experienced, someone who has dedicated his life to serving his country. This is further expressed when the camera scans the wall of his office, examining pictures of a younger fighter pilot and numerous military awards including the Purple Heart, awarded for courage in battle. The building of Reigart's character is crucial to this film, as he will later become a symbol of American resolve.
When Burnett and his co-pilot are shot down, we are introduced to Reigart's antagonist, NATO official Pacquet. Pacquet is played by a short, dark actor who speaks english with a heavy accent. Pacquet comes across as cocky and arrogant. In the first scent he appears, he quickly lays a heavy hand over the top of Reigart's power and control. He is established as someone that the American audience can aim their anger and disgust.
The battle between Reigart and Pacquet pursues. The struggle is epic. Power against power, America against the world. Early on Pacquet seems to have the upper hand, as Reigart feels forced to bow to the control of NATO and Pacquet. As the navy red-tape becomes more and more evident because of NATO's intervention, the viewer becomes more and more perturbed, destined to feel more pride for America and more animosity toward NATO, almost wanting to scream, "We are America, nobody tells us what to do!" In one scent Pacquet splits the divide further when he exclaims, "You Americans, all you care about is your own damn pilots."
As the struggle progresses, Reigart becomes more defiant to the control of Pacquet. Just as America doesn't take a back seat to anyone, in the end, Reigart completely disregards orders from NATO, and does the right thing. He bravely, with no regard for his safety or his career, takes command the leads his forces to save his pilot.

Grammar Post 4

The writing lab told me I was using semicolons where colons should be, so I thought I should research it. I found the information from http://www.drgrammar.org/faqs/#48.

Semicolon use?
"A semicolon creates a brief reading pause that can dramatically highlight a close relationship or a contrast. The semicolon alone can't specify the relationship the way words like because or however can. Be sure, therefore, that the relationship you are signaling won't be puzzling to readers."

"Join two sentences with a semicolon. A semicolon joins main clauses that can stand alone as complete sentences.
[Example:] The demand for paper is at an all-time high; businesses alone consume millions of tons each year."

"Use a semicolon with words such as however and on the other hand. When you use a semicolon alone to link main clauses, you ask readers to recognize the logical link between the clauses. When you add words like however or on the other hand, you create a different effect on readers by specifying how the clauses relate.
[Example:] I like apples; however, I hate pears."

"Use a semicolon with a complex series. When items in a series contain commas, readers may have trouble deciding which commas separate parts of the series and which belong within items. To avoid confusion, put semicolons between elements in a series when one or more contain other punctuation.
[Example:] I interviewed Debbie Rios, the attorney; Rhonda Marron, the accountant; and the financial director." (Anson, Schwegler, and Muth, The Longman Writer's Companion 432-433)

"Two Ways"

"Two Ways a Woman Can Get Hurt" is a disturbing essay that details just how low our society has been dragged down through irresponsible and ugly advertising. Author Jean Kilbourne, piles on the evidence of this low-class, do anything for money, advertising that has now become common-place in our society. Drawing parallels with today's advertising and pornography, Kilbourne is effective in driving home her point and shining a light on the dangers of this disrespectful and harmful type of media.
Throughout the essay pictures that correlate with her message are displayed. These images are very graphic. They play an important role in helping the reader to see exactly what Kilbourne is writing about. She describes the ad that each picture portrays. This is effective in helping the reader to relate to images they have themselves experienced in advertising. The most powerful part of the essay is the sheer mass of ad's that she lays out before the reader. Her purpose in being to help the reader see how much of this is out there. She then leads her audience into the affects of this advertising. She describes some of the gross problems that are occuring throughout schools, in almost every age group, throughout our country.
This essay is shocking. And shocking is good when you are trying to raise a point and bring awareness to an issue. It is a technique that can be overplayed, but Kilbourne uses a good mix of personal feelings, stories, images,and statistics to cultivate this shock-value.